I’m not sure I can accurately articulate it nor that it can be accurately understood without maybe being in proximity to me for a time. But I can say this…the way I feel each day, my thoughts which dominate my mind, my actions, my desires and even down to the tones in which I speak, have all, in measures great or small – changed. Even in my prayers i do not express thanks for these changes – but rather, thanks for the very real and tangible fact of literally feeling like a “new” being even more so than a changed being.
Even in my mind as things in the scriptures or principles are revealed to me – it results in a greater clarity of how all things point to my Savior. Not just doctrines and principles, but every single aspect of life. It isn’t about knowing more, or even being more insightful as a statement of “volume” of knowledge, but rather my entire being seems to have been replaced with a new person.
My insights are merely that in all things i see Christ and I can see where all conversations, doctrines, principles, debates, etc, literally every topic you can imagine in this world, point to, and are fulfilled in, and all peace and truth is found in Jesus Christ. I know that life will bring me trials of faith, more effectual struggles to overcome and endure, etc…but I also know that nothing matters more than following Him, learning of Him, rejoicing in Him, preaching of Him, loving as He loved and wanting what He wants.
This is what I want to define me…I’m not looking to be a spiritual giant – I’m not looking for leadership, spot lights or accolades. What I want is to be worthy of His gift. Worthy to be one of His sons and TRUSTED servants. What I desire is to bring others this greatest of all gifts – His love. I will still want “things” in life and enjoy and laugh and smile as often as possible – but my focus, in every day, in every effort and at every opportunity to choose between – will be to be found in His service by serving those around me.
I don’t know why I felt the need to express this, but I did. I simply feel humble and humbled for the opportunity i have to learn of Him, to follow Him and to ultimately be encircled about by His forgiving love. I know I have been fully forgiven. I know I must yet pass thru this time of sacrifice and proving. But I also know that it is a privilege and a blessing and I am quietly and humbly thankful for it. I am still me in some personality ways…but i am very much a new me in the most eternal perspective ways i can imagine.